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Building Great Kids (Glenn Colley)

The goal for raising kids is pretty simple for Christians to state this that we want to raise happy faithful productive Christians I want you to get to the place parent where where it’s really easy for you to define what success is with reference to your children success is living your life and going to heaven failure no matter what else is true it’s living your life and not going to heaven Psalm 127 says except the Lord build a house they labor in vain that build it except the Lord keep the city the watchman wakes but in vain it is vain for you to rise up early and stay up late to eat the bread of sorrow for so he gives his beloved sleep low children are in heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward as arrows are in the hands of a mighty man so are children of the youth happiest that man who has his quiver full they shall not be ashamed they’ll speak with the enemies in the gates now what that says is that you and I don’t have enough human human ingenuity to build a successful home without God except the Lord build the house they labor in vain that build it now as we start this discussion about rearing faithful kids and keeping our children unspotted from the world I want to acknowledge something that you already know is true I mean if you have to if you have more than one child you know that all children are different and I really understand that children have to be treated in unique ways because kids are unique however we’re gonna talk about some principles today which I think you’ll be able to apply to your children in some productive way to rear them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord now let’s start with this children grow best when reared by both a mother and a father who loved them I understand that there may not be a there may be cases where that’s not possible however I think we need to acknowledge that’s the best I want to talk about seven matters today seven matters of rearing our kids and the Lord and the first one is matters of knowledge in Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4 the Bible says now father’s provoke not your children wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord how do you how do you put knowledge and your kids I mean if your kids are gonna grow up to be faithful Christians it’s not going to be by osmosis it’s not kids don’t catch faith like they catch a cold it’ll be because you may deliver it deliberate decisions to put things in them so let me make some suggestions family Bible time it’s not complicated it just means that every night or depending on your schedule perhaps in the day but sometime during the day set aside a few minutes every single day to have family we would call it story time or Bible time with with your with your kids now you need to be flexible about what you do different things different day some some days you might just have singing and some days why you you might do a Bible game where you you let them sit down on their bottoms in the kitchen on the floor and and you say now I’m gonna ask you a question then I’ll ask you a question make them age appropriate and if you answer the question right you get to bottom scoots and whoever gets to me first gets an award and make the award don’t give them a bicycle but make it something like you get to go to you get to stay up five minutes later before bedtime and oh they’ll do a lot for that but make it fun and then some nights what you’re going to do is to is to is to study specific subjects and now here’s the way I think you should handle this dad’s God is has made you the spiritual leaders of your home what if you what if you took a legal pad or you can do this on your computer it doesn’t matter but suppose you created a living document by living I mean it continues to grow and change and what if you made a list of the things that you really wanted to make sure your kids knew before they grow up and leave you so so what kinds of things would be on your list I’m talking about of course things with spiritual ramifications what kinds of things do you want to make sure they know that they know that they know and and then let’s put them on that list and then and in the evenings you’re going to from time to time take something from that list tonight we’re going to talk about this now on the list you might have things like I want them to know that there is one true and living god I want them to know about Jesus Christ and that Jesus came to this earth and he’s our Savior and he established his church I want them to know about that church and why it is what it is that it’s not a dominating the denomination it’s the body of Christ and I want them to know about property rights and what the Bible has to say let him that stole steal no more but let him labor with his hands the thing which is good I want them I want them to know about marriage and divorce and remarriage I mean you know the time to learn about what Jesus says about this subject is before you ever think about getting married I want them to know about what makes a good husband or what makes a good wife so so think about the list I think it could be a long list and sometimes some nights in your story time you say now and I’m talking about dad’s a dad will say tonight we’re gonna talk about what the Bible says about other people’s property and about why stealing is wrong and and how the golden rule applies and things such as that we’re talking about a family of Bible time and the objective here is that we would put into our children knowledge the things of God there are a lot of helps that you can order apologetics press I think does a terrific job of producing children’s material that will be good for this you can look on a website called Kali books and there’s a lot of children’s things on there that I think might be helpful all right so the first thing is the matter of knowledge now here’s the second one matters of fidelity fidelity there are two areas you particularly want to teach your children fidelity the first one is the church and the Lord of course the prophet of twenty-two and six says train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it now there’s a difference between teaching something and training a child in something right I mean you you you think about baseball you you could take a book I suppose and give it to your son who is 10 and you could say I read this book and you’ll understand base ball but that would be different that would be teaching I suppose but it would be different from training training it’s when you take him out in the yard you say no no I want you to hold the ball like this and when you throw it I want you to point your fingers where you want that ball to go now don’t don’t no no don’t don’t hold the bat like that you’re moving up like this and swings Square that would be training him now what the Bible says in proverbs 22:6 is that were to train up our children in the way that they should go you’ve got to teach them fidelity to the Lord and I suppose there are a number of ways that that you’re going to be doing this and one of them is in reference to the worship assembly in Bible classes I know that Christianity is made up of more than just coming to worship and Bible classes I really understand that but I want to say this to you it seems to me that one of the most tangible ways that we teach putting the Lord first is by prioritizing our worship and Bible classes I mean when the doors are open that we’re going to be there and now I tell you what’s gonna happen is that through your children’s growing years they’re going to be challenges to that I think they’re going to be homework challenges they’re going to be sports if your kids are involved in sports or band or whatever it happens to be it on I’m in favor of all those things I think there could be challenges are we gonna go this Wednesday night to Bible study to to our worship in view of the fact that we have this this big practice or we have this big test on Thursday or whatever it is I hope that the Lord provides you with challenges to this because that’s teachable that creates teachable moments for your children for example you say you know we’ve got we don’t miss worship except for a really big ball game and then then of course we would we don’t miss worship for school work unless we have welcomed a really big 10 big test but the following day and then then we would we would miss I suppose we would miss worship let me tell you something your kids certainly I speak from experience your kids are gonna grow up and they’re going to leave you and they’re gonna be adults and I can promise you that the challenges they’re going to face to serving the Lord it’s not gonna be about baseball and it’s not gonna be about homework it’s gonna be about big things and how we your children have developed the backbone to be able to be able to put the Lord first and make the right decisions and I’m just saying that that making sure that you’re faithful to Bible class and worship I mean that’s that’s a tangible way that your children can grow and understand that we we put the Lord first we put him first and and if you have to sacrifice for that I I know the argument the argument goes that I don’t think we should push it down their throats this religion thing you know I’ve never been very sympathetic with that argument I mean after all we we don’t feel that way about other things do we I mean you don’t oppose if we if we did boys would never take baths if you don’t give them a choice about that do you you don’t say I said you don’t want to take a bath I don’t think you have to because I don’t I’m afraid that if I pushed this idea down your throat when you grow up you’ll you know you’ll resent it you’ll never take a bath so I’m gonna let you to decide well yeah that’s silly of course it’s silly I don’t know why we wouldn’t apply the same law Brussels sprouts man Brussels sprouts your children probably wouldn’t choose to eat vegetables especially like those what do you say about that you say well I want you to eat some of that because in my mind I want you to grow up and like vegetables and so that’s why I impose my will on you well why shouldn’t the same thing apply to the thing that is frankly the most important of all which is their spiritual well-being so what I’m saying to you is that we must teach them fidelity we must teach them fidelity in other ways to not just worship what if you involve your children in spiritual family projects now I’m not talking about things that the church does I’m in favor of those things and you’re all being involved in those things but separate and apart from that what if you do things just as a family that ever are of spiritual nature and I mean for example what if you what if you choose a widow or two from your congregation and you make them your family widows and you find out things that they need and and you go and you rake those leaves with your children you you go and you sweep the porch or you go and you you clean the driveway whatever she happens to you take her groceries whatever she happens to need it’s not about the church not about some church program this is our family this a family project what if you what if you chose a missionary some some faithful man in Ukraine or in Zimbabwe and and you you start sending him a little money have your children since some of their allowance they don’t give them extra make sure it’s something out of their allowance and and and you and they may want to dictate letters let them let them write let them ask their questions what do you wear over there what kind of food do you eat what what do the children look like or whatever it is let them ask their childish questions and what’ll happen is you’ll start getting letters back from that missionary he’ll love it and you put money in there to help support his work and he’ll send the answers back and let me tell you something you’re gonna have gonna have story times some nights when you say we got a letter today from brother somebody over there and our mission work and you open it up and you watch those children listen and he’s going to say in that letter yesterday two more precious souls were baptized into Christ and your children are gonna be excited about that do you know why you do its beauty it’s big it’s because why they had a part in that you say that he’s their missionary and and they’re excited about that now that’s a family project it’s not about the church I mean I love the works of the church but here’s something beyond that it’s it’s that I want to rear my children to love the Lord and to love his work and to do that this is something that we do as a family alright we’re talking about fidelity let’s talk now am I about fidelity to the family itself two things I said and one is fidelity to the Lord’s work and the other is fidelity to the family we’ve got to communicate this in a way that children understand do you know that today people are getting married later and later I mean statistically people do why is that true well I don’t think it’s so wrong I view the Bible doesn’t obligate to get married and sometimes people get married later in life because of personal preference but that’s not all there’s a trend going on here sometimes it’s because people don’t wait until marriage to have sex they’re not there therefore driven to marriage in a way that they would have otherwise been sometimes it’s feminism feminism teaching you know that there’s no distinction between the different roles that we’re all equal in every conceivable way and that you know I think that is a deterrent to marriage sometimes it’s about the fact that in a lot of the kids Minds marriage and divorce are synonymous terms because that’s how they grew up and and they have a negative a negative opinion of marriage my daughter taught public high school asked her what percentage of your students come from broken homes and she said about 90% will you take a generation like that and you say let me tell you how good marriage is they may tell you something to the contrary what these all have in common is a resistance to committing to one person for life they don’t understand fidelity listen I want to teach that too I want to teach fidelity to my children about our home now dads what that means is I think in practical terms is that you’ve got to spend time with your children do you know how your kids spell love they spell it t I M a Lewis was on a program with our grown son who is in his 20s and it was a panel and and the the host was asking questions of the sons and one of the questions was about what you remember most about with your dad growing up and what helped you I don’t remember just how it was phrased but but our son said my dad would come and come home broke for lunch and after we had our sandwich we’d rush outside when the weather was permitting and we throw the baseball together and that was very important and look I don’t know how to express how glad I am that I did that I don’t I enjoyed it and I enjoy being with him but I can’t turn the clock had I not done that those things I couldn’t fix that now at the time I was very very busy and I’m just I’m just so glad that I did it listen dad spend time with your kids always keep your word with your kids always always be involved in their lives and let them know that you’re involved and you love them know moms if we’re gonna teach fidelity to our our children we’ve got to demonstrate to them that we have this fidelity this attachment to our homes I’m gonna say something that is frankly controversial I don’t say it for that reason but I say it despite that I want to urge you to raise your own babies raise your own kids don’t know farm your kids out to other people to raise Titus 2 and verse 4 the older women are to teach the younger women to love their husbands love their children and to be keepers at home and I want you mom to be the one to answer his questions the little childish questions that are so so little yet so important I want you to be the one to blow his skinned knees well I want you to be the one to show her how to put that dress on that Barbie there there are no clothes seconds to mother she she has those babies in her heart and you say well what about grandmother you know grandmother she raised me in a good way and I think she she does a great job with with taking a care of my kids and listen I understand that grandmothers are wonderful but but grandmothers are not mothers only mothers have eyes in the back of their heads one grandmother said to me recently is she’s raising her grandkids because well you know she said I know that I don’t discipline like their mother I want you to repeat this after me only a mother can love like a mother in Titus chapter 2 beginning in verse 1 this is called sound doctrine that the older women would teach the younger women to prioritize their families to prioritize their children that they may teach the younger women to be sober to love their husbands to love their children to be discreet and chaste and keepers at home and good and obedient to their own husbands watch now here’s the punch that the word of God be not blasphemed in the old end of her life rather than on the young end wouldn’t that have fit better with where American society is today we could make the money we could get financially settled and then we could have the babies but that’s not what God did when Christian mother said to me I’d as soon give my wifely responsibilities to another woman as to give my motherly my motherly responsibilities to another woman the point is that one of the main matters that I I’m suggesting we need to teach our children if we’re going to rear them up in the nurture the abbé initiative Lord and to keep them unspotted from the world we’ve got to teach them fidelity to the home dads have to do that by prioritizing their families over their jobs we’ve got to work the job but the job is as a means toward an end at the end that’s taken care of my family I can’t get that backwards and mother’s teach it by showing fidelity themselves to their own families and homes now here’s number three the third matter is the matter of discipline why do you what do you think the parents struggle with this I don’t why don’t parents do better with discipline then they seem to do sometimes today well I think there’s a variety of reasons one is that that some were never disciplined themselves as children and they just didn’t grow up knowing how to do it sometimes yeah you have a parent who says look I tried to be a disciplinarian with my first child and I just I think I was just a failure at it it just didn’t seem to work out and and I just I’ve backed off of that or of course sometimes you have parents with a more liberal mindset who say I just don’t believe in it I don’t want to squash the creative genius of my children and I don’t I don’t want to do that I think that I think that we shouldn’t restrain them so much and so what we have in our country and perhaps others as well is is this debate that goes on right now about about discipline and often it’s about corporal punishment so is it right to to spank your kids I think that spanking as a form of discipline now this is a personal opinion is a great form of discipline because it says to your children what what you did was wrong and and now this is unpleasant but now let’s go on with our day right and by the way if you choose to do this particular action again why there’s more where that came from and I’ll be willing to deliver that spanking is viewed by some people as being child abuse let me just say this plainly to you child abuse sexual emotional physical whatever child abuse is from hell spanking and other forms of discipline alight discipline from loving parents inappropriate measures at appropriate times ads from heaven we had some good friends when we were having our babies and as a matter of fact they were having theirs at the same time their philosophy of parenting was very different from ours they would suggest that what we should do is to save our nose that is telling a child no for the big things that the philosophy went that if you if you were aware well the child don’t do this don’t know don’t do this don’t do that and although you know that that it just loses its effectiveness what you do is you wait until the big things happen and and then you pull out the the know which of course is a recipe for disaster when wind should spanking happen when should it happen and the answer is that you don’t spank a child the first time he does a thing that is wrong what you do is you teach him first you say here’s here’s the way when I say this this is what I want you to do when I say stop that here’s what I mean for you to do spanking is reserved for challenges of the will and you’re gonna you’re gonna face that as parents I mean you you you did it when you were a child I think I think all of us to make we’re all growing up we had to figure out that our parents will was going to win over our own will and a child’s gonna try to figure that out you may say to your don’t don’t touch that lamp and you know there’s gonna come a day when he’s gonna look at you and smile he’s gonna reach over and grab that lamp he what he’s doing is saying you know what I think my will should win over your will and now that’s a great time for a spanking what you do is you go over and you you dust his britches good and then you say when I say to you don’t touch the land I mean don’t touch the lamp you must obey me right spanking you ought to be reserved for challenges to the wheel but I want to warn you about something you’re gonna pay your dues parents I mean we all do you’ve got to pay your dues with reference to the subject we’re talking about here in disciplining your children now you know you can do it when they’re younger and they’re pliable and they’re their characters and their hearts and their wheels or you can wait until they’re teenagers and you can you can try to correct these things then and work but but I’m telling you it’s not going to be the same it’ll be a lot more difficult let’s let’s make some rules about discipline and I want to make several or not I hope that you can use these suggestions one of them would be don’t yell at your children don’t don’t yell at them I’m not talking about if you have one about to cross the highway and there’s a semi coming that’s not what I mean I mean when you’re disciplining your children you want them to obey you not because you’re loud and scary and somewhat out of control you want them to obey you because your mama your your daddy and and I want you to obey me simply because I’m an authority and you’re to obey me because I’m your parent now why is that important why must it be on that level the answer is because because your objective is rearing them into adults one day who are happy faithful productive Christians that is people who submit to the authority of God and where do people best learn to submit to the authority of God and the answer is by learning how to submit to their mom and dad adults can learn it later you know the principle of obedience but I’m telling you it’s a whole lot easier to learn it when you’re a kid and learn it from your mom and dad don’t don’t yell at your children don’t lie to your children what I mean by that is this if you if you promise that a particular behavior will bring about a spanking then you make sure that you fulfill that promise I had a good friend one time who was in my office visiting and we were having a talk just to find man who had a small girl I think she was probably four or five years old and she was over there looking at my look my books in my library there I’ve shelves of books and she was looking at them it didn’t bother me because she wasn’t hurting anything and so it was ok with me but it wasn’t okay with him and so he turned to her and saw that she was pulling at the books and he said don’t touch the books and so we continued our conversation and she she continued touching the books which made it difficult for me to focus on what he was talking about because I was wondering what was about to happen anyway he turned and looked at her and he said I told you not to touch the books if you keep doing that I’m gonna spank you now don’t touch the books we continued our conversation and she continued touching the books well now that was very interesting I would really wonder what was gonna happen now and in a few minutes he turned and looked and realized that she was still doing what he said not to do and he just promised a spanking and you know what had happened then he walked over to her he took her up in his arms we continued our conversation that was it that was the end of that now I want to ask you a question why don’t you suppose she did what he said when he said it you already know the answer to that is because she knew her daddy was a liar he lied to her before she knew that he didn’t mean it when he said it and that’s why although I heard one thing what she heard was some something different I mean he said don’t touch her all spanked but he didn’t really mean it and she knew he didn’t mean it and I asked you this question so who won I know wait a minute wait a minute I know what you’re thinking you’re thinking you’re thinking the little girl I mean we know that the dad didn’t win but may I suggest to you that that little girl didn’t win either and it’s not about books it’s about something inside of her that’s important it’s something really important is that she lost out an opportunity that day to learn a system of authority that one day is going to be extremely critical to her in reference to the authority of God and her dad failed her don’t lie to your children I don’t know it’s just not about discipline with reference to the lying thing I don’t want you to lie to them when you promise something Pleasant if you say to your son on Friday afternoon I’m gonna come home early from work at 3 o’clock and I’m gonna play ball with you now he’s looking forward to that you you be sure you don’t fail to keep that appointment you may have a client come in you know at 10:00 till 3:00 and you say I tell you what I here’s what you should say I’ve got a very important appointment that I’ve got to keep and and I will I’ll be happy to service your needs later you be sure that you take care of that because you’ve got to keep your word with your children don’t count to your children don’t don’t count count to them and I don’t know if you do this and I think you probably know what I’m talking about you you say to your your little girl now honey I want you to pick up your shoes and put them in the closet and so sheep she ignores you and you say 1 2 then you you know you break into fractions three and a half four you know so you know what the what the what you’re communicating is that that when I’m in this particular mood that when I say do something I don’t really mean it I mean I don’t mean that you have to do it now I’m gonna stretch it out so you don’t have to do it right now when I said well but when I count and that means now let’s get this done however and in some homes what it is is that tomorrow you’re going to feel a little more stress a little more pressure going on and you say honey pick up the shoes and put them in a closet and she still thinks you’re gonna do the countin thing but you don’t do the countin thing on that day and and she gets a spanking and what you build is confusion no wonder the Bible says don’t provoke them to wrath lest they become discouraged Colossians 3 and 21 you say a child a child who is consistently disciplined who knows the rules who is taught with clarity and and with compassion but but knows the rules is content is is well balanced and is happier than a child who is strictly disciplined but it’s inconsistent you don’t want to do that because they what thinking that’s a confusing message and one more thing about that one more thing is that moms and dads have to be like on this you want in Bible talks about provoking them to wrath or to confusion discouragement you you do that sometimes when you have parents who say different things and very often in divorce situations you have a problem with this because they’re vying for the attention of the children and so one parent will permit something which the other parent finds objectionable and will try to try to prohibit never lose a contest of the wheels when your children test your will you must always win that you must you must always win and the reason is that that if your children learned that they can pitch a fit a temper tantrum and and in so doing that they they win next time there’s a conflict that that’s what’s going to happen again because they they know what button to push and they must know that you’re gonna be mama you’re gonna be the daddy and and your will is what it’s going to win and what your doing is is a favor you’re helping their characters to be to be what they should be and the Bible says to train them up and the way that they should go and when they’re old they’ll not depart from it I recently conducted a funeral I suppose I’ve conducted about as many as most average preachers this one was particularly difficult because it was a teenage young man and and in this particular case he liked drugs and he liked alcohol and he liked racing cars with his friends the in the middle of the night and that’s what they were doing and the front of his car made contact at a very rapid speed with an oak tree and his friends who were drunken like he was held him out there in the grass two o’clock in the morning until he died and the funeral director called and asked me if I would come and conduct this funeral that they had some backed background in the Church of Christ and would I come I didn’t know them but I said of course I will of course and we had a crowded chapel filled with teenagers teenagers very demonstrative of their emotions and I I guess I said to them things that you would expect me to say I I talked about the Lord Jesus Christ and I talked about alcohol and drugs and about realities and I begged him to to acknowledge the realities of our existence and their dependence on God and the requirements which God makes on us the funeral was finished and went out to the cemetery which was out in the country and we were we were waiting for everybody to get there there was there was loud music playing and I knew that I wasn’t gonna finish that service out there with that music playing but they turned it off when it was time and everything was alright so we were around the casket and we’re about to to have the preacher I was about to say the things that were to be said and this this this car this hopped-up Mustang roared by the cemetery and I thought oh my if he’d they knew how serious this moment was he wouldn’t been doing that at which time the pall bearer a teenager next to me leaned over and said he’s one of the pallbearers it was a strange atmosphere anyway everything got quiet I conducted that service and it was finished and so people were milling about and and two different mothers unaware of the other came to me and said essentially the same thing and it went like this brother Colley you see that you see that boy over there yes ma’am that’s my son and she said I want you to know that what he’s doing is is what Mason did talking about the deceased and I’m so scared I know what another one said my daughter you see my daughter yes ma’am she’s doing what Mason did and I’m so afraid that this is going to happen to my daughter and what can I do and in both cases I said ma’am are are you a Christian in those cases they said similar things they said I was I used to be a member of the church but you know one thing led to another I’ve been so busy and I just I just dropped out and I I haven’t been to worship in years and years here’s what I I want you to do I said here’s what I want you to do I want you to go home tonight and find it quiet it’s an Italy those kids had a party plan for that night I want you to go home I want you to sit down with your son or your daughter and say this this funeral today reminded me of the gravity of life and about some things that I that I’ve been neglecting that I that I’ve been forgetting but I tell you what I’m going to do this Sunday I’m going back to the Lord’s Church I’m gonna be restored and I’m going to be a faithful Christian and then I said beg your son or your daughter to come with you yeah I don’t know if that’ll be effective or not you know because it’s late in the game the point that I want to make is is to you that that we’ve got to do these things early we’ve got to start early for this to be affected and it has to do with with early on with discipline and with consistency so what should I do when my child’s temper flares at me well I think there are a couple of things first of all this has got to be our philosophy when my child’s temper flares what happens has to be ineffective I mean their their temper has to be ineffective and at some point counterproductive right in other words I can’t yield my will to temper and you got got to start again very young on this one they they start wanting to slam things or kick things just don’t ever put up with that by the time they’re old enough to slam doors they’re old enough to reason that if I pitch a fit my mother or my father will spank me and so I’m not gonna do that they’re a teachable moment I have a good friend who whose son was about seven years old that year the the the toy of preference for boys his age was I think called a laser blaster I don’t know why we chose did some sort of a toy gun anyway he wanted one Something Awful with his grandmother in bought one for him and she had it under the bed at her house it was about November and so she was going to give it to him for Christmas well he he didn’t know that that was a secret his dad and he were at the toy store one day picking up something for someone else and as they walked about the store they came upon a laser blaster and the boy said Oh daddy I really want two laser blaster you’ve got to buy me a laser blaster no no son we’re not going to buy a laser blaster today daddy you you don’t understand I want one so bad and if I never get another toy in my whole life I want a laser blaster no no son we’re not going to get a laser blaster today he had a fit I mean he had what we call it he had to come apart and so he go the boy goes down to his knees and begins to scream and holler he has a temper tantrum his father who is a devout Christian a good man he he went down on his knees and when I to eye with that boy and said let me tell you you can’t calm down calm down do you know why we’re not getting a laser blaster today he said see your grandmother already bought you one for Christmas it’s under her bed at her house but I’m gonna call your grandmother and tell her to take the laser blaster back to the store because of the way you behaved today and I just want to know I you know as long as you live you’re never going to have a laser blaster and I want to know is there any other toy in this store that you don’t want to have forever well you say that’s very strong I suppose it is but but next time he was tempted to throw a temper tantrum don’t you suppose he thought twice that was that’s the point there was a teachable moment there and and I want to suggest to you that that having a problem with controlling your temper is something that can follow you all of your life and negatively influence your life as long as you live you’ve got to get that under control early if you love that child so next remember that the favors you do are favors I think I think in reference to the rearing of our kids entitlements are killing us Kevin Leman had a has a book entitled how to have a new kid by Friday maybe you’ve heard of it in that book he talks about four-year-old Matthew Matthew is one day riding along with his mother in their van and I know he was mad about something I think it was about the strap and his kids seed his child’s see but his mother didn’t do what he wanted and so Matthew uses the strongest weapon he has at his disposal and he says mama I hate you mm-hmm now personally I I think I’d have stopped the van and giving him a good spanking but but you know what spanking is not always the best thing in this case according to Lehman’s book why she didn’t say much she went on home and it was in the afternoon and every afternoon at 3 o’clock they have cookies and milk that’s their tradition and kids are often very regimented and it came to be 3 o’clock and and so Matthew says to his mom are we gonna have cookies and milk where’s the cookies milk mom said we’re not having cookies in milk today what what why not the mom said because of the way you talked to me in the van today it was very ugly and I’m not gonna have you talk to me that way it was not right it was wrong and very ugly and we’re not having cookies and milk today at which time Matthew just kind of that kind of has a breakdown you know he he begins to cry and apologize and I’m so sorry that I said mama I’m so never do that again I never never will that’s a teachable moment good and so mom’s mom gets down on her knees with him where he can look her in the eye and explains why that’s wrong you must never never do it again and I’m glad to know that you’ve decided not to do it again and now let’s go on with our day and she gets up and she walks off well he follows her mama can we have cookies now now this is a real teachable moment and the answer is no no no we’re not I told you we’re not having cookies and milk today because of the way you acted do you suppose that tomorrow Matthew is going to think twice before he tells his mama that he hates her again I repeat you know why it’s so important that your children learn how to control temper James chapter 3 and verse 5 of the Bible says even so the tongue is a little member they boasts great things behold how great a matter a little fire Kindles in the tongue is a fire a world of iniquity so is the tongue among our members defiles the whole body it sets on fire the course of nature you know what that means that means a person can be his own enemy his own worst enemy all his life the course of nature means the wheel of life you ever known anybody who had trouble controlling their tongues and all of their lives they had problems as a result of that well what we’ve got to do as parents is try to protect our children and we’ve got to rear them with an understanding of controlling their own temper I read an article the other day from a mother who’s calling edge a college-educated son was had moved back in with her he hasn’t found a job and he gets up late and spends most of his days in his underwear doesn’t keep his room and she mold that over and she summarized and said this he’s like this because number one the economy isn’t good and number two because of the parent the kind of parent I was to him you

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