Divorce Question

I am newish to CoC. I grew up going to a Dutch Reformed Church up North. That said, I live down South now and have grown to love the CoC.

To make a very long story short I had an affair and my husband wants a divorce. I’m not from the town we live in, have no family in this state other than his. I want to keep going to a CoC as I’d like to raise my kids in the church.

I’m not sure if I’ll be welcome in CoC’s because of what I’ve done. It’s been hard enough to keep going to the church we belong to (mostly bc my husband won’t come and his family literally started that congregation) and I don’t know if I’ll be accepted elsewhere. I feel so alone here.

I am truly sorry for what I’ve done and want to stay married. It doesn’t seem like my husband can forgive me. I just don’t see a lot of divorced single people at church as it is, and I don’t want to move my kids from church to church to church.

Prayers would be appreciated also.

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5 Responses

  1. What you’re proposing is totally fine. You know the affair was wrong, and after you end the affair and return to Christ, there is no biblical reason for you not to attend that church.

    It might be awkward, and you may want to see if there’s another local CoC you can attend so that your (ex?) husband doesn’t fall away because he feels uncomfortable around you. But honestly, his spiritual life is his responsibility, and yours is yours. So keep going to church, and fight through the awkward

  2. You should give it a try, and I will pray for your sake and the local congregation’s sake.

    Just as a doctor treats not the healthy but the sick, so too did Christ did not come for the sinless, but for the sinner. Thus we are called to come to Christ as we are, with a repentant heart.

  3. I see absolutely no reason why you could not be a member of the church just because of a divorce. However, Matt. 19:9 directly comes into play regarding your eligibility to remarry. I’m sorry you’re in a tough situation, truly.

  4. I’m sorry to hear that you’re in a tough situation… Unfortunately there are people that claim to be COC and turn away anyone in your situation. Avoid any of those churches because they are not loving the way we need to. They only want their perfect members, which is absolutely wrong. Since your husband’s family started the church, it is possible that it might just be really awkward, so I would probably check around for other COC or maybe other denominations if there aren’t any more COC.

    As for your marriage, I would try to find somewhere to have some marriage counseling. It’s not impossible to come back from this, but I have seen people have so many issues which led to other issues. Marriage counseling might help the current issue and possibly any future issues.

    God bless

  5. The church is literally composed of people that have sinned and then repented of their sins. If you sinned and have repented, then you should be just as welcome as anyone else.

    The church is supposed to be all about welcoming sinners. However, this does not mean accepting sin. If you committed a sin (whether adultery or something else) and aren’t sorry – haven’t repented – then you shouldn’t expect people to tell you it’s fine.

    Your husband has the right to divorce you for what you did. Even if he forgives you, he still has the right to end the marriage – Jesus gave him that right. Some people can’t move on – they’ll spend the rest of their life anxious at further betrayals and it’s his choice and you’ll have to accept his choice.

    If he divorces you, while you can certainly be saved, be welcome at the church, and go to heaven, you aren’t authorized to remarry according to Jesus’ teaching.

    The reason you don’t see a lot of divorced single people at church is because many of them stop going to church. They committed adultery and got divorced, and are unable to accept that they can’t get remarried (since that’s what the world does) and so they choose to leave the Lord’s church rather than submit to his will.

    I knew one woman who was in that position, and she knew what the Bible said, even admitted that’s what it said, but ended with “But I just don’t think Jesus will send me to hell for it” and left the church.

    I actually do know a number of divorced single people in the church, but the thing is they don’t exactly go around telling the story of their past misdeeds, and nor do I ask. In many cases I knew them for years before finding out.

    You can’t undo your past bad choices but you can make good ones going forward. The whole point of Jesus’ sacrifice is that he paid the price for your sins and forgives you. Who is man to refuse to forgive what God has forgiven?

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