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Building a Marriage That Can Weather the Storms of Life (Eric Owens)

Marriage: a blessing, an honorable divine institution

  1. Remember life happens to us all.

Matthew 7: 24-27

  • It is important to build your house upon the rock.
  • One of the reasons people are so challenged — they don’t expect storms.
  • None of us are immune from the challenges and struggles of life.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 – “…but time and chance happens to us all.”

  1. Learn and trust God.

James 1:17-20

  • When people experience storms or challenges in life people often turn against God.
  • God is not trying you, life is.
  • God is good. Remember this before, during the storms.
  1. Cutivate your character.

Matthew 5:1-11

  • Have a selfless spirit 5:3

Problem: People are so full of themselves.

  • Be sorry for your wrongs 5:4

Last time you did wrong in your marriage, did you apologize?

  • Have a gentle disposition 5:5
  • Have an insatiable desire for fairness 5:6

Selfishness, being unfair destroys a marriage.

  • Be lenient in executing judgment 5:7

Be merciful when the other messes up.

  • Have clean thoughts 5:8

How many times have you questioned the motive of your spouse?

We can’t read minds.

  • Be the appeaser 5:9

Be eager to be the peacemaker. (like Abraham when he left it to Lot to choose which part of the land he wanted)

Be the one who wants to figure out how to make peace with the other.

Be the one who extends himself.

Who is the peacemaker in your home?

  • Everytime God is aggrieved or offended, he comes first.

When God is wronged, he approaches those who have wronged him in Genesis 3, God approaches Cain in Genesis 4, it is God seeking to save (with Noah in Genesis 6), It is God who sends Jonah when men’s sins have come up before him

  • Do what’s right 5:10

Peter talks about those who suffer for their own wrong not being a blessing versus those who suffer for right doing.

  • Endure when you are done wrong 5:11
  1. Learn to fight fairly.
  • The problem is not fighting per se. Disagreements are not inherently a bad thing. Or even when sometimes in disagreements voices are raised.

How do we fight?

  • We need to be very cautious about our actions in the midst of a fight.
  • Don’t get hysterical. 

1 Cor 13:5 Love doesn’t keep a list of wrongs.

  • James 1:19 Be quick to listen, slow to speak.
  • Matthew 7:1-5 Don’t be hypocritical. Don’t do the very thing you do not want other people to do to you.
  • Judge righteously, fight honestly. 
  • Serve  Phil 2:5,7
  • Have the mind of Christ
  • Humble yourself. James 4:10

Pride Prov 5:10

  • Forgive Matthew 6:14, Eph 4:32
  • Be patient with each other 2 Peter 3:9

Practice self-control.

  • Control your tongue James 3:1-12

Be careful about the things we say. 

We can injure one another that it’s very difficult to come back from.

  • Control your anger Eph 4:26-27

In your anger do not sin.

Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath and give place to the devil.

  • Control your desires James 4:1-3

Are you content? Godliness with contentment is great gain.

Many fights come from money being strained — not because we have not enough, but because we are not content.

  • Control your attitude Philippians 4:13

One of the most challenging things is to be with someone who complains bitterly, whose attitude is always difficult and always harsh.

Rejoice in the Lord always, finding something to be thankful for in the midst of problems.

  • Control your thoughts Philippians 4:8
  • Control yourself Galatians 2:20

Paul said he was crucified with Christ. How about you?

We will all stand before Christ and give an account.

  1. Learn from other marriages.

Emulate the good.

Reject the bad.

Marriages in the Bible:

Isaac’s had favoritism

Jacob’s own had multiple wives. God had only intended one.

David’s own had in-fighting.

Solomon’s had false religion.

Eli’s own had no discipline.

WIVES

  • Reverence your husband.

Reverence – has something to do with not being equal, has the idea of fear (be in awe), high regard, respect

If you don’t know what it means, you can’t live it.

  • Obey your husbands.

The Bible says that older women are to teach the younger women, among the things they are to teach is to obey their husbands

1 Peter 2:1-6

Sarah obeyed her husband and called him Lord.

Issue of equality:

We are equal in our humanity, worth, redemption, value, place before God but

we are NOT equal in our role!

Practical:

Wives ask husbands “What do you want from your wife?”

  • Submit yourself.

Ephesians 5:22

No man has ever submitted to woman.

Wives submit herself or she does not submit at all.

Practical:

Before marriage, figure out if you can submit to the man, be under his control/rule, if not don’t marry him.; man figure out if woman will submit.

  • Supply his needs.

According to Harley, the number one need of men is sex. It’s a big deal to him.

  • Keep looking good to him.
  • Support your husband.

Show  you believe in him.

  • Know what his favorite things are, his hobbies, his wish list, what he wants most from you.

HUSBANDS

  • Love your wives.

1 Peter 3:7

  • Dwell with her, live with her.
  • Be present.

Absentee husbands are disobeying God (body soul and mind).

Ex. Watching ESPN while your wife is trying to talk to you

  • Wives come first.

Pre-eminent: leave mother and father

You dwell with her, not mama.

No married bachelors.

  • Learn her.

Active, interest, 

Time and energy should be spent learning one’s wife over school, sports, shows

You should know more about your wife (favorite things, etc; What does she want most from you?)

  • Give her honor.

By what you do (how you treat her) and say (how you talk to her,how you talk about her).

Laud her.

Reasons: 

She is the weaker vessel, she is an heir with you in the grace of Christ, she is your sister in Christ

Peter says “that your prayers be not hindered.”

Failure to do so adversely affects our prayers, our relationship with God

Listen to God.

God does not approve of mistreating your wife.

  1. Make your marriage more about God than you and your spouse.

Apply these passages to your marriage:

Matthew 7:12 Do unto others

Romans 12:10  Esteem others better than yourself.

Romans 12:1-2 Renew our mind

Use your marriage as an opportunity to glorify God.

Live in your marriage like you want to go to heaven!

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